so… let’s start by acknowledging the elephant in the room. i’m going to do it quick & to the point – just like you would rip off a band aid. 
hi, my name is kelly & i have postpartum depression.
if i had to venture a guess, i’m betting my big announcement doesn’t surprise anyone at all. in fact, you all probably saw it coming. but after 1 year, 1 month & 13 days, i figured it’s time i came out of the closet.
i’ve never claimed to be super-mom. & i’m the first to admit that i’m far from perfect. but once upon a time, i at least felt like i had life figured out. these days, ppd has definitely thrown a wrench in the well-oiled-machine, i once called my life… sending me into an out-of-control, downward spiral.
over the past year i have dug myself a hole so deep, sometimes i wonder if i’ll ever be able to climb back out. having a baby is supposed to be a joyous occasion… & it was. it’s just the aftermath, i’m not so sure about. when i think about it, it’s actually kind of funny – i’m surrounded by the chaos of three young children every single day & yet i’ve never felt so alone. for the past year i’ve watched life happen as an observer, instead of an active participant. slowly but surely, i’ve managed to shut everyone out, & burn every bridge along the way. activities i used to love, hobbies i used to look forward to, now just seem like a burden. not to mention, these days i find myself totally & completely unmotivated, out-of-touch, & overwhelmed… i dread getting out of bed in the morning, & am constantly feeling like life has given up on me, or maybe i’m the one who has given up on life.
i’ve been living life in a deep, dark tunnel, constantly trying to reach that itty bitty light i see peeping through. the drugs have helped a bit (prescribed of course), taking the edge off & making the light a wee bit more obtainable. running has helped more. but, hopefully opening up, putting it all out there, & wearing my heart on my sleeve will be that final dose of reality i need. i’m slowly learning – i can’t do this on my own. over the past year i’ve managed to build a fortress around myself, an incredible thing that rivals the great wall of china. i can’t expect it to come down overnight can i? but, with a little help from my friends, perhaps this fortress of mine will come tumbling down.
wow. i’m feeling better already. let the healing begin.
image via anne taintor
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I had depression after my second child was born. It was really bad. I hated my life, my husband, my daughter, and my (at the time) new baby boy. I didn’t know what to do, who to talk to. I thought nobody would understand how I felt inside. It wasn’t until I had fully surrendered to God and fully gave my depression to him, and let him be the one to take it from me, that he delivered me of it. I know you know what ppdt feels like, so I don’t have to try to explain that to you. But to have God’s Love and Joy surround you and inside of you is so much more that words can explain. God can take this away, he can heal the wounds, IF you let him. Revelation 3:20 says, “Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup (eat)with him, and he with me. (Here’s what it means – 3:20 I stand at the door, and knock – Even at this instant; while he is speaking this word. If any man open – Willingly receive me. I will sup with him – Refreshing him with my graces and gifts, and delighting myself in what I have given. And he with me – In life everlasting.) If you let Jesus into your heart, he can set you free from the chains of this world. You don’t have to deal with ppd. I hope and pray that this helps you. And I will be praying for you.
I just came upon this post…WOW thanks for your honesty. The way you have described PPD is amazingly accurate. I wish I could just sit down and chat with you regarding what us women are going through. I too have struggled with this. Somedays are not bad and other days I think I am going to loose my mind. Thank you a million and to the other ladies who have commented.
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